Dorothy Mantooth Is a Saint!

Good evening,

For those who might not know me, I'm Kevin Garrigan, Anne's oldest son.

People sometimes have to make up nice things to say after someone passes away.  That won't be the case tonight.  It's very easy to truthfully say good things about Anne Marie Francis.

Though my mom left us far too early, I could not be happier with the constant gift of her presence while she was with us.  Her 54 years were too few, but the amount of living she did while with us was enough to fill several lifetimes.

The four of us kids could not have asked for a better mother.  She did such a great job raising us in a happy home.  Katie, Mike, Shauna and myself didn't make it easy on her by any means, but somehow she managed to raise 4 sometimes out of control kids and teenagers into 4 relatively well-adjusted adults.  There was no better Grammy to her 3 grandchildren.  Her face lit up and her joy was evident when she spent time watching Keegan and Brooke play; and of course the few precious months she got to spend with baby Colby were truly a gift. 

She had a way of putting a positive spin on most things, and would always be there to lend an ear and offer sage advise....I know I myself needed a lot of it.  I will miss our talks terribly.  Mom never wanted to put anybody out of their way.  In her eyes, it would always be better to give than to receive, better to love than to be loved, and especially better to be concerned for others than have others be concerned for her.  This of course drove us all crazy at times, because we have so much love for her and wanted to help her as much as possible.  None of us wanted her to fight this fight alone, and despite her best efforts, we weren't about to leave her side.  She was stubborn, but very well aware of the love that so many had for her.  She didn't have an enemy in the world.  If you were lucky enough to spend any significant time with my mom, you definitely knew that you were around a special person.  Whether she made you belly-laugh by telling stories about her youth and causing trouble for her parents and siblings, or offered soothing comfort after you had a bad day, there was just something about her that made you leave her feeling good.

I remember one time when I was about 10 years old, I decided to add laundry detergent to the washing machine after my mom had put a load in...probably like half a container or so.  It didn't take long for an endless stream of bubbles to start pouring out of the washer and all over the floor of the basement.  I did what most 10 year olds would probably do and ran upstairs to my room and denied it to the bitter end when mom started screaming at me.  I was the only one there, so I wasn't sure who I was trying to fool.  So after really letting me have it, eventually my mom "asked" me to come down to the basement and help her clean.  "Ok, but I didn't do it mom."  She said fine and we both went down to the basement to clean up the mess.  After about 5 minutes of silent cleaning, knowing that she was furious, I told her, "mom, I did put the extra detergent in there, I thought I was helping."  She told me, "No shit Kevin."  When she saw how guilty I was, she started laughing.  I'll never forget her face.  I couldn't believe it.  I figured at the time that I really messed up, not fully understanding that it wasn't the end of the world, because I didn't know any better...until my mom laughed at me.  She gave me a hug and we finished cleaning up the mess.  I probably had a hundred different fights with my mom when I was a teenager, but I always remembered that no matter how bad I screwed up, my mom loved me and we'd eventually be able to laugh about it, which we very frequently did, the older I got.

My mom was a true believer that being a good person and doing good things would come back around to you in some type of Karmic circle.  These are values that I live my life by and that I instill into my son, niece, and nephew.  I think my siblings will agree with this.  She knew that if she lived a good life, that when the day came when she had to leave us, she would be in a good place and with her lost loved ones.  I like to think that she's in that place know, breathing deeply and easily, and having a good laugh with her parents, her boyfriend Bob, and other loved ones around the dinner table.  I know that if I continue to follow my mom's core values, that I'll join her one day around that table.  It gives me peace to know that when I leave this world, I'll have the most special, strong, good-hearted, nurturing woman that I have ever known, waiting for me with a big hug, and a kind word.

I love you mom.  I'll miss you...and as you would tell me every time we parted, with a series of kisses on the forehead: Goodnight, God bless you, I love you, see you in the morning.

Thank you all for coming.  We are so lucky to have such great friends and family.  The outpouring of love shown by you over the last two weeks has been palpable, and something that the 4 of us will never forget.

The Fall of an Empire

"Will you help us catch Pluto's super duper bouncy ball?" No current asshole Mickey from the shitty "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse"....I want to go fly fishing with you and Goofy and watch Goofy get his mouth caught by a fishhook....or watch Donald Duck play hockey with his nephews and watch his nephews fuck with him. I HATE CURRENT SHITTY DISNEY MICKEY!!! I WANT THE OLD ONE BACK!!!  20th Century Mickey is what made our childhood entertainment so wonderful.  Every kid wanted to go to Disney World....

The movies and the cartoons from when I was a kid, such epics like The Lion King, Alladin, Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, The Mickey Mouse Show, Duck Tales.  Sure, sometimes there would be an epic battle at the end of those movies between good and evil.  Isn't that "lesson learned" enough for a cartoon?  Do the cartoons of today need to teach kids colors and how to count?  That's what school and daycare is for you dumb fucks!  Steamboat Willie is more entertaining then the crap they put on today.   Jake and the Neverland Pirates??  Back in the day Captain Hook would be trying to put his hook in Peter Pan's jugular...now all he does is basically cry about 3 kids who keep outsmarting him over and over again while calling them "Puny Pirates."  I feel sick sometimes watching this garbage.  Chip and Dale were just playing with a bouncy ball....are you kidding? Chip and Dale would be plotting how to steal the ball and fuck shit up in the old days.....now the closest thing the Mickey Mouse show has to a villain is Pete, who basically just helps the rest of these morons count. Hey Disney Channel, our kids are educated just fine, it's called SCHOOL YOU CHILDHOOD RUINING FUN STOMPING ASSHOLES!!!

And I HAVE to watch these cartoons and pretend they're awesome, because my 3 year old loves them....and only because it's not a choice, it's a lack of options. Sure, I could change it to Spongebob on Nick, but then I would be forced to murder myself after about 5 minutes.  I'd love to hold Spongebob under fresh water...let's see if he can make my eardrums bleed after THAT!

Back to Disney....every conflict in every story is resolved in a friendly, soft resolution with absolutely no climax...it's storytelling 101.  Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner never had that problem.  Sure, you knew a safe would fall on the coyote's head or he would launch himself into a mountain...but even though you knew he'd always lose, at LEAST there would be a resolution to the story.  Triumph and failure. Good overcoming Evil.  Tom and Jerry?  Jerry always outsmarted Tom and Tom would wind up getting a bomb in his face or something like that.   You know why that happened?  Because Tom tried to EAT Jerry.  What would YOU do?  Once again, good triumphing over evil.  How can this be a BAD lesson? 

The only good thing about the Disney Channel these days are the Disney Shorts when they play classic stuff for like 3 minutes between the shitty shows they have on; except they make sure they cut anything remotely violent out of them...Gawd forbid anyone sees anything that is CLEARLY fake violence. My son is 3 and he knows damn well that when Simba and Scar are fighting at the end of Lion King it's FUCKING MAKE BELIEVE!!!! It's a cartoon for chrissakes!!!  It's not like he goes to the zoo and expects an epic battle between the lions in a pit full of fire while other lions fight against hyenas.

Here's an idea...just a small thought.  Be a good parent!!!!!!  TEACH your kids good from bad.  If you let the T.V. teach your son about violence....scratch that.  If you let the T.V. or movies or video games teach your kids ANYTHING.  You ARE a bad parent.  It's very simple.  Instill good values in your children, let them know that what they see on T.V. isn't real, and there you go.  Your kid will grow up just fine.  YOU are your kids biggest idol, not fake-ass Mickey Mouse OR Scar from the Lion King.  Their parents are their role models, and they WILL listen to you, (or they should be institutionalized.)  I'm not saying kids are perfect throughout their elementary years and teenage years, but if you parent them, they will share your values.  If you let them just do whatever you want, they'll probably end up as assholes.  Tell them about condoms, it's ok.  Don't let them stay up late.  Tell them about how drugs and alcohol are very bad.  Encourage them to play sports or dance and socialize and follow their dreams.  This isn't fucking Dr. Phil shit, it's common sense.  There are too many shitty parents out there, and corporations....EMPIRES like Disney are crumbling beneath our feet because they don't want to be responsible for the demise of the human race.  Give me a break.

Or better yet, give me back the Roadrunner, Tom, Jerry, and Simba.

Happy New Year Vinny

I feel great.  I haven't lately, but I do right now.  Circumstances have come into play that have put a lot of things in perspective for me.  Is it worth it to get hung up on one person, any person, when there are so many people and things that make me happy?  I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot of the time. I get sad, and I let people know about it.  I decided just now that I'm done with it, all of it. 

I have a lot going on.  My son makes me so happy it's ridiculous.  The more he learns and the clearer he speaks and the more questions he asks and the way his eyes brighten when he figures something out and the way he says, "I can do it all by myself Daddy."  I'm a good dad....a great dad.  I'm an uncle, recently for the second time.  I thought to myself, "How can I possibly bitch about anything when I have these beautiful kids in my life and such great friends and such a close family." 

Most of all, I recently went through a breakup, and got all sad about it, and wanted her back.  Why?  I was lied to.  I got shit on, and I wanted her back?  Nah dude.  Done with it.  I can do better, and I will.

And maybe it won't be for a while...and that's ok too.  I can do me for a bit.  (Not that way you fucking sickos.)  I have another surgery this week, and I won't be putting anything up for a bit.  But when I come back, it will be with a vengeance.  Watch out everyone, here comes Vinny Mac. I'm killing it at work, I'm going to take a writing class so these posts don't suck so much,  I'm gonna get published at some point.  I'm gonna travel to California.  I'm going to the gym all the time when my elbow is healed...first to rehab it, and then to feel good, and look healthy.  By the summer, I'm going to be back all the way. 

I have so much going for me, even if I don't see it sometimes.  I'm going to make the most of this life instead of just gliding through it.

Doubt me.

I'm Glad the World Didn't End Because....

I have only had one threesome, and it wasn't with hot twins.

Brady hasn't won 5 Superbowls yet.

The Cubs haven't won a World Series in forever and I feel bad for Chicago.

I do not yet own my own company.

My oldest is only 3, and that would have been weak to not see him grow.

I haven't had sex in several weeks, and I would not have wanted to go out like that.

I haven't written a book.

We won't have had our first New Years Eve without Dick Clark drooling on himself.  (Poor Dick Clark, by the way.  Who is the asshole who wheeled him out there the last couple years when he was practically already a corpse?)

I spent too much on Christmas presents for them to have gone to waste.

I'm kinda looking forward to seeing that new Paul Rudd movie.

I'm in the middle of Assassin's Creed III on Xbox and haven't had a chance to beat it yet.

Massachusetts has deemed me a danger to society and is therefore requiring me to take an 8 hour driver retraining class.  I would have surely hated to miss that.

I haven't had a threesome with hot twins.

If I live to be past 60, it would have deprived either dozens of women from being with me once, or just a few women being with me many times.  Either way, what a waste....

I haven't been across the Atlantic, specifically to Ireland.

I'm only ONE car accident away from being renamed "Crash."

I haven't choked out the three people on my list of people I want to choke out.

I would have died without my elbow being surgically repaired, (again) and finally being healed.

I haven't had a threesome with hot twins.

And you know what, screw you Mayans, we win!!  Boom!

Shaken to my Core by Newtown, Connecticut

The massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT seems to me like the worst case of senseless murder I've ever seen, and in my opinion, one of the worst in the history of mankind.  Don't be a fucking jerkoff and say I'm being insensitive to the victims of Pearl Harbor, 9/11, the Holocaust and the Oklahoma City bombing, for examples.  In those cases, there was an agenda.  Don't say, "Vinny, what the fuck about the Holocaust?"  Of COURSE that is one of the most horrible things that has happened in the history of mankind.  In those specific cases, which I'll use as examples, there was at least a reason.  The reasons were albeit military or completely insane ones conjured up by the minds of madmen, but there were reasons, nonetheless, for those acts.  Those examples were horrific in their own rights.  A disturbed little fuckface smashing through the locked door of an elementary school, shooting his way to a 1st grade classroom, and murdering children, who have barely had a chance to live, is the worst case of evil I can ever begin to think of.  I keep trying, without success, to wrap my head around it all.  I can't fathom the insanity of someone deliberately shooting and killing ONE seven year old.  Multiply that by 20.  Of course those aforementioned examples had body counts thousands more than what happened in Newtown.  They were also carried out by the order of faceless cowards.  In Newtown, this "man" looked into the eyes of young children and deliberately ended their lives, far sooner than they should have been ended.  It was deliberate, and needless.  There is no reason that can convince me that these innocent little children were taken from us.  The details aren't out as to exactly how the final seconds of those poor souls played out, but this is a fact:  The shooter was a remorseless coward.  As destroyed as his brain must have been to carry out such an act, it remained that way after the first child fell...after the second.....the third.  And he kept going.  Why?  That's the cliche question, but really, WHY?  Nobody on this world will ever be able to understand or wrap their heads around how this could happen.  The worst kinds of questions are the ones that have no answers.  The most frustrating outcomes to any situation, are the situations that if they were to somehow occur 100 times, they would be surreal and unfathomable all 100 times.  Why didn't this animal just go out into the woods and end his pathetic life on his own without ruining the lives of the victims, their families, their friends, their community, state, country, planet.

I can't imagine, or maybe I don't want to, the thought of the first responders who were forced to witness the carnage of the aftermath for the first time, but carrying out their jobs regardless.  How will they ever be the same after seeing that?  How will they remove the images of the still bodies of the departed children.  I don't even want to think of what the scene looked like.  These heroes battled through a sight worse than a battlefield in a war fought by men.  These were children, and my bet is that some of them had children the same age, or close to it.  What about the surviving teachers doing their best to keep their children calm, somehow finding the courage to lead the surviving children from the building while trying to keep their eyes covered, blinding them when possible to what had happened to their classmates and friends?  How did they compose themselves and think to do this when they themselves HAD to have felt pure terror.  Learning that they huddled with their students and kept them as calm as possible while shots rang out just feet away from where they were must have been the hardest thing they have ever or will ever have to do.  The bravery of the school's principal and the teachers who gave their lives, making the ultimate sacrifice, in valiant attempts to minimize the death toll that was to be carried out by a cowardly maniac is an incredible story.  I can't help but marvel at these tiny shimmers of light in what was ultimately one of the darkest days in the history of the human race.

Is there a link between acts of violence and being immortalized by having your name in a history book?  Did Hitler do what he did to have his name be remembered as one of the most feared of all time?  How many parents have named their sons Adolf since the late 1930's?  Did Osama Bin Laden's hatred for the western world cause him to carry out the worst attack on American soil in U.S. history?  Or was it for the "recognition."  What about Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris during the Columbine shooting?  What if the media doesn't give out the name of the shooters when these events take place?  Would that tiny thought in an otherwise destroyed brain prevent said person from taking out so many with him?  Does Columbine take place if those two knew for a fact nobody would know who they were?  David Koresh?  Marshall Applewhite?  Madmen who convinced people to kill themselves through brainwashing.  Did they have conviction in their beliefs, or did they just want to be remembered forever for something evil because they didn't have anything else going for them.  The Columbine shooters were two talentless fucks who would have never amounted to anything, and thus would never have been remembered when they were gone....unless.....

Would the fact that if "he" knew he wasn't going to be immortalized be the difference between him killing 26 people and himself just walking into the woods after killing his mother and just quietly off himself with one shot to his own head? Could it be that simple?  Am I trying to come up with an impossible idea to an answerless question?  Is society's need for information fueling these kids to commit these acts?  Is there any way to give information about the shooter, which is fair, while at the same time calling him John Doe?  It's not possible in today's world of social media and rival news outlets, of course.  It's just not feasible for something like this to be done, even if it would make any kind of difference.  Even if it would mean the difference between a murder suicide and a legit mass murder.

Call me one of those parents that thinks a tragedy involving young children affects me more than someone without kids. I used to HATE that. Who are you to think it affects you more than me because I don't have kids? That was my thinking, circa late 2001. But you know what? It absolutely DOES affect people with children more. That's my opinion of course, and feel free to disagree, but I've lived through horrible, senseless tragedy's and I have been much more rattled since having kids. The slaughter of 20 1st graders last week shook me to my core. And no, you can't QUITE understand the feeling if you don't have kids of your own. You can be 99.9% as upset as someone with kids, but not that .1% that parents feel. It's just an instinct your body has once there is another human being on this planet that you created, whose blood is your own. As president Obama put it, and I'm paraphrasing him, when you have a baby, it's like a piece of your heart is put out into the world, exposed, and constantly growing farther apart from you. Their comes a point where you can't be with your child every step of the way...every minute and every place you go.

Out of all of this, I'll try to end with a positive, somehow.  Everyone already knows about the heroism of police, firefighters, military...those men and women go without saying.  But there are heroes in this world that often times get overlooked.  Teachers are incredible. You have to be a special kind of person to do that job.  These people make it their livelyhood, their profession to not only instill knowledge into young minds, but to be responsible FIVE out of seven days for the children of total strangers. We put our trust in these men and women. When you hear about the acts of heroism of teachers faced with valuing the lives of children, who aren't even their own blood, over their own lives, brings me a measure of hope that at least we have good people on our side when these things happen. We're forced in this world to trust others to take care of the ones we love. We can't be with our kids 100% of the time.  If I could, I would.  It's not possible.  We have to make a living to put a house over their heads and food on their tables.  When you send your child to school, you're putting your trust in the educators responsible for not only their education, but their general well being and care. Hearing the stories of the brave principle and teachers at Sandy Hook who made the ultimate sacrifices in attempts to minimize the death toll is an incredible story to me, a shimmer of light in the darkest of days.  It makes me feel better when I send my son to school, knowing that teachers are a special breed of people who would put themselves between a madman with a gun and the children they've been charged to protect. The bravery of those people should not be forgotten in the shuffle and the sadness that ultimately defines this story.  It won't be for me, at least.  I hope others will feel the same.

I don't care how old he grows to be before my time on this planet is done, the last words my son will hear from me whenever we part for the day, whether it's tomorrow when I drop him off at school, when I put him to bed, when I put him on the bus for school, when he gets on a plane for spring break, when I say goodbye as he leaves for his honeymoon, or 40 years from now when I hang up the phone after asking how his kids are doing, will be, "I love you."

Life: Part 3

My sister Trid just had her first child...my first nephew.  She gave birth naturally, accidentally.  Trid is the best person I know at taking things in stride and just laughing it off...even if she's telling a story about how pissed off she was, she's definitely the happiest of the 4 McRoberts siblings.  Being a new mom is not just an easy, everyday thing, but you'd think it was watching and listening to my sister.  Nothing bothers her.  The doctors fucked up her epidural, and instead of bitching about how much it hurt every second, or suing the hospital, she turns it into a funny story. That's what I love about my sister.  Just like my younger sister Sissa, Trid is a natural mom.  You'd think she was doing it all her life.  I'm amazed by that, I really am, and I'm so proud of her.

Regarding the birth of my first nephew, I couldn't be happier that he's here.  I have a son, and there's NOTHING better than that for a guy, I mean let's face it, but to now also have a nephew?  I'm a lucky guy.  Much like my first born son, he is a handsome dude.  Trid even said that she thinks his face reminds her of Vinny Jr.'s when he was first born.  I couldn't believe how incredibly happy I was when he arrived.  When my other sister's daughter was born, she came very soon after my son, and I think that prevented me from enjoying her as much as I could have when she was first born.  Don't take that the wrong way...it's just that I had a 4 week old son at home myself and had to focus on him.  My oldest son is 3 now, along with my niece, so when my new nephew was born, I had/have a little more time to enjoy the little dude.  It's great now how they get along.  There is nothing better than watching them play together and hug each other when it's time to say goodbye.  Maybe I couldn't enjoy her as much as an infant...but we're making up for it now in a big way.

I'm thankful to be so close to my siblings.  I know that in the future, when we lose those closest to us, we'll have each other, and now we'll have the kids too. The way I figure it, part 1 of life is birth to adulthood, in it's broadest form.  Part 2 is discovering who you are, partying, being with your friends, having fun, defining who you are and what you'll do for work.  Part 3 is starting families and expanding your extended family.  We'll worry about parts 4 and 5 in the future.  For now,  "Hello part 3 of life, how are you today?  I think I'll grab you by the horns and fuck shit up."

I'm so happy to be where I am in my life.  The last couple years have literally tried to destroy me.  The world is definitely conspiring to send me over the edge, but I'm just not going to let it.  I'm so happy that my family is expanding.  Part 3 of life is a good part of this trip through my existence, regardless of the bad things that have happened to me.  I could have easily mailed it in and gone into hiding and grown a really long beard and just live off the government and write a blog, waiting to get "discovered," which of course would never happen.  I could have enjoyed my kids and basically have given a big, "Fuck You!" to everyone and everything else...but I chose not to.  Sure I've bitched from time to time, but every time has been justified.

Regardless of all that, my family and my close friends have kept me afloat...especially my kids.  My niece is such a big part of my life, and she didn't exist 4 years ago.  That's so cool to think about.  My new nephew...my first nephew, being born a couple weeks ago has reminded me why life is so great.  The world could fall apart around me, and the simple fact that I have so much love for my kids, parents, siblings, and now my niece and brand new nephew, makes nothing else matter. 

I wonder what life will be like when our kids are grown, but I know that nothing could tear the bond I have with my brother and two sisters.  To think that our kids will grow up and see the bond that we have and the love we all have for each other is a great thought, even when the rest of my world always seems to be falling apart. 

I love you Trid, thanks for reminding me what is so important in my life.  Bonus thank you points for going through a miserably painful child-birth.  It will be a fun story to tell my nephew one day, when he's playing with his cousins or we're around the Thanksgiving table.  Parts 4 and 5 of life don't seem so bleak....hell, maybe they'll even be great!

All the Trouble Money Can't Buy

Night 1 of vacation....home by myself...watched the first two Lord of the Rings movies on DVD....Gonna pop in Return of the King, but will likely be out before it's over.  Had two subs from Quiznos and drank two Mountain Dews....yup.  One of them was a Code Red.  I am obviously a baddass who is not to be fucked with...if anyone can handle these kinds of late night shenanigans, come on by.  

Man, what happened to me?  If it was 10 years ago at this same time on a Friday night, I wouldn't even be able to type this, for several reasons:  One hand would be holding a beer, one hand would be punching something or someone, my legs wouldn't be able to keep me upright, and my eyes would not be able to focus on this screen.  The pussification process is apparently complete.  I left my cock in Middle Earth, I guess.  Fucking Gollum has it and he's all stroking it and shit going, "My preciousssssssssss......"



Anyways, I'm all healed up and I clearly have no life, so Vinny is back.  Unfortunately for you poor suckers who mistakenly clicked on this link, there will be a lot more garbage jammed down your throats in the hopes that you'll find something mildly amusing or touching or nostalgic.  At least my page isn't a pop-up ad.  Do those still happen?  Thank gawd for this guy!!  Lucky for everybody out there nowadays Vinny gets a little loopy when he takes an Ambien or five and pounds away at the keyboard in the middle of the night because I fucked up and messed around too much in my 20's.  Life 1, Vinny 0. 

Are you kidding me?  Do you think I believe that?  I'm only in my 30's and I've lived like 3 or 4 lifetimes.  I've had weddings, childbirths, birthdays, funerals, surgeries.  I've done a lot of good things and a lot of bad things but I'm here to write about them all.  So I'm beating the shit out of life on the "scoreboard."  I tempt fate a little less often then I used to, sure....but a dickless loser who stays in every night?  Bitch please.  My dick is firmly between my ankles and I can still party with the best of them, only now it's in moderation.  Sometimes I like to stay home and watch gay movies, so what?  Return of the King won the Oscar for best picture.  Did you know that?  Go look it up, I'm not kidding....

My landlord is this 80 pound lady that comes around every month or so knocking on my door looking for rent.  I basically tell her to fuck her dog every month, pay her when I feel like it, and what does she do?  She writes me a letter about how great of a person I am!  I shit you not.  It was a page long!  It would have been shorter if she didn't babble on for half a page about how she prays for me and church and Jesus and this and that, which I mostly skipped, but the point is, my parents have never written me anything that sweet.  (Yes you have ma, I'm just kidding around for the thing here...relax.)  We learned (or at least validated) a couple things here.  I am an asshole.  I am a GREAT talker.  Little old ladies should probably not own property without some kind of enforcer.  I do not make enough money.  And lastly, my landlady probably partied harder than me tonight.  HA!

See?  Now if I was out all night, what the fuck would you be reading right now?  Your welcome....