The Battle of Dairy Queen

"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him."
- Sun Tzu, the Art of War

OK, using a Sun Tzu quote might be overdoing it a little bit...but this is how we felt in the late summer of 1998.  We being, of course, the towns of Foxboro and Mansfield.  It all started on the football field, (where else.)  During our summer passing league my Foxboro Warrior high school football team played against the Mansfield Hornets.  They were the biggest pains in our asses all through high school.  We played them every Thanksgiving.  We hated them.  So we talked shit, and they talked shit back...and at some point it was suggested that we square off in the local Dairy Queen parking lot. 

Surely that was just kids being kids and nothing would come of that.

We went that night, to the parking lot, just to be safe....nobody from Mansfield showed up.  Just as we thought, nothing would come from these shenanigans.  Except I was hanging out with a few of my friends the next night.  Back in the day I was about the only one who had a cell phone, so when I got a call from a strange number, I answered.  It was a frantic dude from my school, not even a football player, just another senior.  Now the friends I was with were all girls, but I was summoned.  "Vin, you gotta get your ass to Dairy Queen, they're here!"  And so we went.

"We gotta go!"  Now the girls were obviously in no mood to fight, but I wasn't about to let that get in the way of my pride.  We drove strait there.  Took us 5 minutes, and when we got there, it was like a fucking hornet's nest, no pun intended.  I jumped out of the car and immediately looked for answers. "What the fuck happened, I thought this was supposed to go down last night?"  I learned that a bunch of 'them' had shown up, phone calls were made for reinforcements on both sides, and next thing you knew, it was a standoff.  There were even kids there that had graduated last year, two years ago....maybe even three....There was no Eisenhower-like, Operation Overlord military strategy...it was us on one side, shoulder to shoulder...them on the other side of the parking lot.  I believe one of them had a small dog...

The dog actually set the whole thing off.  It barked, onc of us yelled that he'd kick that fucking dog across the street, and we charged.  The adrenaline took over and I don't remember the next minute or two.  I just know that I swung a few times, hit a kid, and then I was getting my head slammed against the side of the vehicle.  One of my fellow brawl buddies ripped the kid off me.  I was up, and blindly swinging again.  There was anarchy everywhere.  Apparently those pussies brought weapons, cause a couple of our big guns got hit with some home-made, medieval type devices that were later learned to cause some pretty bad damage.  Anyways, after what seemed like half a second, I was the only one left in the parking lot...well, and my girlfriends.  Next thing I knew, a cop slammed my face against the hood of his cruiser, which actually fucked me up more than the actual fight.  I forget what the fuck he asked me, I was concussed, so the girls talked to him, made up some bullshit about me being a victim of circumstance, and we were out of there.

My friend Lola bought a pint of ice cream and held it to my jug while I tried to shake the cobwebs.  They dropped me off and made me promise not to go to sleep.  (Apparently they had read on Webmd.com that you weren't supposed to sleep with a concussion....hold on a second, was the Internet around back then?  Shit I don't remember....either way, they told me not to sleep.)  My friend Lola even called me in the middle of the night to make sure I was awake.  I lied and told her that I was, but I slept like a baby that night. 

I woke up the next day and felt like a train hit me, but I felt awesome at the same time.  A good old fashioned ass kicking fest in a parking lot.  Ahhh....high school.  I remember that Monday morning and the stories that were passed all around the school.  Kids were in with busted up faces and bruised knuckles.  The whole fight probably lasted a minute, maybe two, before the cops scattered everyone, (except me.)  Everyone had a story.  "Dude, did you see me smash that dude against the Dairy Queen Window!"  "That was sick, did you see me smash that kids face into the pavement?"  "I saved Vinny from getting his head smashed into a car!"

Of course, now that we're in our 30's, and even for a long time since high school ended...many of us have mended ways with our fiercest rivals and the two towns get along and we're all friends with each other....except on Thanksgiving.  Great times!