All the Trouble Money Can't Buy

Night 1 of vacation....home by myself...watched the first two Lord of the Rings movies on DVD....Gonna pop in Return of the King, but will likely be out before it's over.  Had two subs from Quiznos and drank two Mountain Dews....yup.  One of them was a Code Red.  I am obviously a baddass who is not to be fucked with...if anyone can handle these kinds of late night shenanigans, come on by.  

Man, what happened to me?  If it was 10 years ago at this same time on a Friday night, I wouldn't even be able to type this, for several reasons:  One hand would be holding a beer, one hand would be punching something or someone, my legs wouldn't be able to keep me upright, and my eyes would not be able to focus on this screen.  The pussification process is apparently complete.  I left my cock in Middle Earth, I guess.  Fucking Gollum has it and he's all stroking it and shit going, "My preciousssssssssss......"



Anyways, I'm all healed up and I clearly have no life, so Vinny is back.  Unfortunately for you poor suckers who mistakenly clicked on this link, there will be a lot more garbage jammed down your throats in the hopes that you'll find something mildly amusing or touching or nostalgic.  At least my page isn't a pop-up ad.  Do those still happen?  Thank gawd for this guy!!  Lucky for everybody out there nowadays Vinny gets a little loopy when he takes an Ambien or five and pounds away at the keyboard in the middle of the night because I fucked up and messed around too much in my 20's.  Life 1, Vinny 0. 

Are you kidding me?  Do you think I believe that?  I'm only in my 30's and I've lived like 3 or 4 lifetimes.  I've had weddings, childbirths, birthdays, funerals, surgeries.  I've done a lot of good things and a lot of bad things but I'm here to write about them all.  So I'm beating the shit out of life on the "scoreboard."  I tempt fate a little less often then I used to, sure....but a dickless loser who stays in every night?  Bitch please.  My dick is firmly between my ankles and I can still party with the best of them, only now it's in moderation.  Sometimes I like to stay home and watch gay movies, so what?  Return of the King won the Oscar for best picture.  Did you know that?  Go look it up, I'm not kidding....

My landlord is this 80 pound lady that comes around every month or so knocking on my door looking for rent.  I basically tell her to fuck her dog every month, pay her when I feel like it, and what does she do?  She writes me a letter about how great of a person I am!  I shit you not.  It was a page long!  It would have been shorter if she didn't babble on for half a page about how she prays for me and church and Jesus and this and that, which I mostly skipped, but the point is, my parents have never written me anything that sweet.  (Yes you have ma, I'm just kidding around for the thing here...relax.)  We learned (or at least validated) a couple things here.  I am an asshole.  I am a GREAT talker.  Little old ladies should probably not own property without some kind of enforcer.  I do not make enough money.  And lastly, my landlady probably partied harder than me tonight.  HA!

See?  Now if I was out all night, what the fuck would you be reading right now?  Your welcome....