It's been a pretty wild ride so far...my life, that is. I've lived all over Massachusetts. I've traveled all over the country. I've met too many incredible people in my life to even count. I have the best family and friends anyone could ask for. Perfect kids. I mean that literally. My kids are perfect. If you disagree with me, you can go choke yourself. My ex wives aren't even that bad, as far as ex-wives go. I've been in a lot of relationships with (mostly) decent women. I love my current girlfriend and I love my current job and I'm very happy. What if I was never born? How many people would have been affected over the last 3 decades? I sat here one day and tried to think about it, and it can't be quantified.
I took my mom out to dinner the other night to thank her for having me. Is that weird? I felt it was appropriate. My mom said she never thought twice about her decision to have her first child. She was 21 and my dad was 19 when I was born, meaning they were about 8 months YOUNGER than that when they found out I was on the way. Shit, I would have lobbied for abortion if it was me, so I can't and won't blame anyone for feeling the same way. I promise you my dad's friends probably told him to try to talk my mom out of it. That's what I would have done. As it turns out, I was in fact born, and I've led a pretty good life. My parents brought me up well and taught me to be a man and now they're grandparents and everything turned out alright.
I still wonder, and will probably never know, what went into the thought process. Did my mom REALLY know right away? Was it a split second decision? Was the decision leaning one way and then swung back the other? How greatly did my grandparents influence the decision? These are some things that are never talked about. They're merely "what ifs." But seriously, what if?
Maybe my parents never get married. Maybe they don't even stay together for more than a few months or a year. My sisters and brother are never born. My kids and my siblings' kids are never born. Maybe my parents each go on and meet different significant others and have two completely different families. My very existence could be the reason countless other people were never born. The relationships I've had in my life never happen. I never meet all the incredible people I've met in my life. I never even exist, and so on and so forth. I could go on forever. It's pretty trippy though, right?
The point I'm making, and maybe this isn't the right medium to do so, but I will anyways, is that my mom saved my life before I even had lungs. I was a mere zygote. I'm trying to pay her back. She's in her early 50's, and she needs NEW lungs. She's sick. The thing about my mom is that she doesn't want to bother anybody. She doesn't want to "put anybody out." She seems to have forgotten that several decades ago, she was the reason I was born. I think sometimes that no matter how many times that I tell her I don't mind driving her to her appointments and getting her out of the house and talking with her on the phone that she still thinks it bothers me. I tell her and tell her and tell her. I verbalize to her that she's my mom, and I'd do anything for her. So now I'm putting it on here, so she can see it in writing and other people can see it in writing.
It's my turn to help save your life, Ma.
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