The Evolution of Date Rape

I roofied my girlfriend one time just to see what all the fuss was about.  (OK, it was a dangerously high dose of Klonopin, which chemically is about the same exact thing....look it up.)  First of all, it was a consensual science experiment, before you go calling the cops on me. 

I was unimpressed.  If I wanted my girl to pass out on me after her not wanting to have sex despite my repeated pleas and attempts, I'd marry her.  ZING!!  Hahahahah!!  Seriously though, she just acted really drunk and fell asleep.  Then I just felt creepy.  What's the point of date raping someone who you regularly have sex with anyways?  The thing it did make me realize about this particular narcotic is that you have to be a desperate motherfucker to spike a chick's drink just for the possibility of her staggering back to your place to have sex with her lifeless, passed out body.  Is that really fun for people?  Are there REALLY guys still out there that do this?  Seriously, go fuck a fat chick if you really need it that bad.

Let's get this out of the way...I'm not making light of rape.  I think it's the most horrible, disgusting thing that can be done to someone.  I think that even in some cases, it can be WORSE than murder.  OK?  Everyone on the same page?  I'm not making jokes about rape, got it?  Great, thanks.  It's sad that I even had to type this paragraph, but fuck me if I'm not politically correct or whatever.  The last thing I need are the P.C. police knocking on my door...(that's P.C. as in Political Correctness Police, not Providence College Police...which is a story for a whole other day, but I digress.)

So now that everyone knows Vinny is not a fan of rape, let's move on.  What kind of desperate homo needs to drug a girl to get sex?  How impetuous does one have to be to make the conscience decision to say, "Ya know what...I like that girl, I think I'll drug her Appletini and drag her stumbling ass to my car and bring her home to Mom's basement for an epic 30 second romp!"

Say there is a girl hot enough out at a bar who is worth taking the chance to go to prison for date rape.  Do you really think she would be the slightest bit interested in talking to some limp dick whack job chump who needs a hot girl to be unconscious if he wants to fuck said hot girl?  So in this scenario, limp dick whack job wouldn't even get the chance to drug her drink, because she wouldn't allow him close enough to it to even give him an opportunity.  If by some miracle, this dude even had the stones to talk to a 10 anyways, she would use her super hot, level 10 hot chick superpowers to immediately know that he had a 4 inch pecker, and immediately shut him down.  Let's take it a step further, and say that Ms. 10 is alone.  (She's not, of course...as I've blogged before, 10's do not travel alone, they travel with a herd of 6's to make themselves appear even hotter....this is a fact to which there is no argument against.)  The limp dick whack job would be better off kidnapping her in the alley and going the old fashioned rape route...which of course doesn't make any sense, because limp dick whack job is not looking for a power trip, which if you go by the profile, is what legit rapists are really after.  This guy is such a pussy, that he's willing to sneak a benzo into a drink just to have sex....he is clearly not looking to outright rape anyone. 

My point is this...go on the Internet you dumb fuck.  There's plenty of free porn out there.  There's some nasty shit too!  Pretty much whatever your perverted mind can think of....just go pick whatever you want to watch or read about and fire off some knuckle children, as Peter Griffin would say.  Either that, or hit up a free dating website.  If you can't get laid hitting some ladies up on plentyoffish.com, you either have your standards set way to high for your own pathetic ass, or you should just go kill yourself, because you will never have sex.

By the way, ugly girls out there, can you chime in on how this works going the other way?  If a girl really needs to get some, but she's a totally busted swamp-donkey and is out of AA batteries and can't afford to buy more because she just spent the last of her change at the laundromat washing all of her extra huge clothes, what does she do?  See, in my opinion, it's different, because ugly girls don't usually KNOW that they're ugly, so they have more confidence and can usually snag up a dude at last call who has given up and is just looking for a cozy place to put his pecker for the night, in which case, everybody wins.  Even in the morning...the girl goes home, still thinking she's hot because some drunk dude settled for her, and the guy has a funny story about boning a fat chick.  Winning!

When it's a guy, who is all together ugly, timid, AND creepy, he's got no chance....unless he's got a script of Xanax and he's not afraid to use it.