I'm Glad the World Didn't End Because....

I have only had one threesome, and it wasn't with hot twins.

Brady hasn't won 5 Superbowls yet.

The Cubs haven't won a World Series in forever and I feel bad for Chicago.

I do not yet own my own company.

My oldest is only 3, and that would have been weak to not see him grow.

I haven't had sex in several weeks, and I would not have wanted to go out like that.

I haven't written a book.

We won't have had our first New Years Eve without Dick Clark drooling on himself.  (Poor Dick Clark, by the way.  Who is the asshole who wheeled him out there the last couple years when he was practically already a corpse?)

I spent too much on Christmas presents for them to have gone to waste.

I'm kinda looking forward to seeing that new Paul Rudd movie.

I'm in the middle of Assassin's Creed III on Xbox and haven't had a chance to beat it yet.

Massachusetts has deemed me a danger to society and is therefore requiring me to take an 8 hour driver retraining class.  I would have surely hated to miss that.

I haven't had a threesome with hot twins.

If I live to be past 60, it would have deprived either dozens of women from being with me once, or just a few women being with me many times.  Either way, what a waste....

I haven't been across the Atlantic, specifically to Ireland.

I'm only ONE car accident away from being renamed "Crash."

I haven't choked out the three people on my list of people I want to choke out.

I would have died without my elbow being surgically repaired, (again) and finally being healed.

I haven't had a threesome with hot twins.

And you know what, screw you Mayans, we win!!  Boom!