Merry Christmas

Ah, the holidays!  Depending on your point of view, either the happiest or shittiest time of year.  First of all, can we stop with all the "Happy Holidays" bullshit?  It's CHRISTMAS, ok? Can we just agree on that.  Say it with me, "Merry Christmas!"  It's ok...you're not going to get sneered at or be spit on or struck down by some God who isn't your God if you say Merry Christmas, I promise.  Whenever I hear "Happy Holidays," because of political correctness, it makes me want to punch myself in the face until I'm unconscious.  Who the hell do these people think they are trying to call a Christmas tree a "Holiday Tree?"  So you're just going to forgo hundreds of years of tradition just to be politically correct?

Guess what? If you know someone is Jewish, wish them Happy Hanukkah, or Chanukah, or whatever the fuck...if you know someone celebrates Christmas, wish them a Merry Christmas.  If you're not sure, go with the most popular one, the one that kids get a week off of school from...you guessed it, Merry Christmas!

Now listen, I'm the least religious person I know.  My family is Catholic, and I went to Sunday school and occasionally church when I was a kid, but I would consider myself Agnostic.  If you don't know what that means, go look it up, I'm not a fucking dictionary.  My kids have not been baptised or Christened and they don't have Godparents.  If they choose to pick a religion when they're older, that will be fine with me.  I was not going to force something on them before they were able to sit up.  Go ahead and judge me if you want to, but that's how my ex-wife and I are playing it.

Having said that, it's CHRISTMAS season.  CHRISTMAS is the holiday that MOST people celebrate.  If you're Jewish, that's awesome. Good for you.  If you're Muslim, great!  Taoist, Buddhist, Hindu, I don't give a flying, shit-covered fuck.  If you are celebrating a holiday in December, you are celebrating Christmas.  You know it, I know it, and so does the entire world....(except maybe the Middle East, but who cares about that desolate hell hole...even the sane Muslims know what's up.) 

Disclaimer, by the way, before any nice, practicing Muslims try to track this IP address and get all uppity....relax. Everyone knows you're out there.  Everyone knows that you can practice religion and pray to Allah or whoever you want to and everybody knows that the crazy Muslims shouldn't be lumped in with you, so just relax and put a sock in it already....jeezus.  And another thing, if you get racially profiled at the airport, too fucking bad!!  How many Asians have taken down an airplane?  Somebody find out and get back to me.  If you look like a Middle Eastern terrorist, just roll with it.  I apologize on behalf of white people everywhere, but the extremists who happen to look like you fucked it up for the rest of you, so just sit there, get your luggage checked, and move on with your lives.  Just to seem a lot less racist, because I'm NOT racist; in my opinion, any white kids who dress all Gothic and wear trench coats to school...what do they call them these days? Emo kids?  I think THEY should be profiled too.  Some people who look like you other Emo kids who just want to "Rage Against the Machine" and peacefully mind there own business and listen to heavy metal fucked it up for the rest of you...too bad.  Deal with it.  When my kids go to school in a couple years, you're damn right I'm going to personally check out every Emo kid and Muslim kid in their schools.  Call me crazy, but you can thank Osama Bin Laden, Eric Reid, Eric Harris, and Dylan Klebold.  I'll be damned if MY kids are gonna get shot up just because they want to play sports or are popular or aren't Muslim. Fuck that noise.  I'll run a full background check on anybody I think is suspect, and I don't care what people think of me.  These are the times we live in.

Back to the Holiday Season.  Merry Christmas everyone.  Merry Christmas especially to those Americans serving this year overseas and Merry Christmas to their families who will be spending Christmas thousands of miles away from their loved ones.  Happy Hanukkah to the Jewish soldiers and THEIR families, and whatever else you want to say to them individually.  Don't lump them all in to "Happy Holidays."  Charlie Brown deserves better.  Are they going to rename it "Charlie Brown's Holiday Special."  How about Chevy Chase in "National Lampoon's Holiday Vacation."  "A Holiday Story" where Ralphie shoots his eye out?  I know, let's rename "A Christmas Carol" written by Charles Dickens in 1843 to "A Holiday Carol."

So this week's giant "Fuck You" goes to the politicians and corporations who think it's such a great idea to change every tradition that everyone has known since they were born.

Have some fucking common sense people.  And this is coming from someone who asks, "What the hell has Jesus Christ done for me lately?"