....there are complete abortions. Picture this. You're at the movies, waiting for the Hangover part 2 to start, and you see that beautiful green screen that says this preview is appropriate for all ages, or some such shit. And you're thinking, "Fucking sweet, I love previews...let's see what you got Hollywood! Make me whisper to whoever is next to me....Yo, that looks AWESOME!" How many previews have we all seen in our lives...hundreds? Thousands? How many did you say...."That looks good, I'd see that! Can't wait for Blue Crush 2 to come out, that looks fucking sweet!" Pretty much all of them, right?
Now picture this, today, not the early 90's....wait, were any of you even alive in the early 90's? Whatever, fuck you. Anyways, on to the previews....
"International superstars, Christopher Reid and Christopher Martin, aka Kid 'n' Play star in what is already being called the greatest blockbuster of 1992." Now it shows the obligatory shots of these two clowns..."One is a nerdy douche bag with retarded hair, even for the early 90's....the other is a bullying hard-ass from deep in the ghetto." More shots of....you know what, I don't even know what the fuck they'd show for the preview...that's what's messed up. What did they even show on the screen? "When they're mistaken for each other......awwwwwwww damn! Shit gets CRRRRRRRAZY!!"
"Siskel and Ebert give Class Act two thumbs up.....WAY up....M.C Hammer says you can't touch this movie (the song is actually in the movie, look it up)....Winner of the Cannes Film Festival Best Actor and Best Screenplay awards....Quite possibly the greatest movie ever to grace the big screen-James Lipton"
Did you know that Pauly Shore is in this movie? This movie was ACTUALLY released in theaters....also, Hilary from Fresh Prince of Bell Air and Adelle from Grey's Anatomy are both in this movie.
Wasn't the civil rights movement taking place in the 60's? What the fuck? This movie single-handedly set progress back half a century. Did whoever wrote this piece of shit stop and think, "You know what, fuck black people!" I'm convinced that Class Act, (and racist cops, obviously) were the main reasons for the L.A. riots. How did these guys NOT become as famous as say, Will Smith?
To my original point, would you see the preview for this movie today and whisper to whoever was next to you, "Dude, that movie looks like the shit, I can't wait for that to come OUT!" Probably....cause we're all suckers.
Well, once upon a time, it happened....people saw this preview at the movies and thought to themselves..."I'd see that shit!" Don't even get me started on Sister Act 2, Back in the Habit. Really? Sister Act needed a sequel?
By the way, not to ruin it, but it turns out BOTH guys can actually rap in the movie! It just took Play to make Kid realize what he had inside of him the whole time! I guess when it comes right down to it, it's a touching film about the most unlikely friends bringing out the best in each other and everyone wants to butt fuck everyone else by the end of the movie. (Can you believe spell check just made me separate buttfuck into two words? It didn't completely dismiss the words butt and fuck...it just wanted me to not use them as one word....sorry that made me laugh a little.)
Anyways, Netflix this shit and watch the whole thing....you won't be disappointed.
Did I just watch the entire movie on Starz?....you're gat damn right I did!....My eyes are actually bleeding. It's either from pure, deep, evil emotion deep inside, or I just subconsciously tried to gouge them out with a dull spoon.
Should I insert some memorable quotes at this point?...Trust me, I tried, but honestly I'm just embarrassed. I will say this, it ends with both Kid and Play on the screen with just a white backdrop behind them actually trying to explain what just happened, with Kid eventually saying, "It's over! Stop it...fade to black, fade to black!" Very true...and easily the smartest line of the whole movie. I think if they could have seen the future of their respective careers, they would have rethought the last line....
By the way, I use this a lot....the three periods....between thoughts....I forget what they're called....don't try to correct me....and say that they don't belong...there...just deal with it.
Anyways, don't judge me, people, I'm drunk. And I'm outta here...Scream 3 is about to start!
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