Let's face it, nobody likes the French. Unless you're actually from France, (or Quebec, which is a whole other entry), the French are like the smelly, annoying little sister of the family who hasn't figured out what deodorant is yet. See, France is in our family, but we could care less if France gets picked on at the bus stop or gets her lunch money stolen. But France IS in our family, so when she gets ACTUALLY bullied by her punk, lunatic neighbor Germany, like she did during World War II, we are obligated to bail her ass out even though she gave crazy Germany all her lunch money, signed over the deed to her house, and basically laid down and got butt-raped by him. So big cool brother America rolls his eyes, goes to France's house and kicks the shit out of Germany and even steals half of Germany's house for good measure...cause even though we hate some family members, shit, they're family, so we gotta do what we gotta do.
The point is, sissy ass France shouldn't need to call on her big brother to fight every single battle for her when she's in trouble...and then make fun of America behind his back when they're NOT in trouble. What the fuck? Is there any doubt that if a kid from Germany moved to a little town in France, the kid from Germany would be the coolest kid in school, even though he doesn't even speak French, out of fear from the other kids? Those bunch of smelly surrender monkeys would do anything the kid from Germany told them to do because they're still shaking from the beating they took 70 years ago. "Hey, give me all the money in your wallet, take your clothes off, run around school with your clothes off, and then give me your parents' names and work addresses so I can go there after school and humiliate them too." And Frenchy would be like, "Yes sir! Would you also like my 2 year old sister's day care schedule?"
In this whole family scenario, you might ask, "Well if France is the weakling little sister, what does that make countries like Lybia and North Korea?" Lybia and North Korea are the poor, jealous families from the other side of town always trying to one-up America cause they're jealous. So they're like, "Hey we gotta knock America down a peg!" So they plan and they plan and they plan and they make empty threats, but they're never gonna do anything about it cause fuck them. France is technically in our family, even though they're also jealous and weak.
And what does France contribute to the world? Quick, name me a French actor from American movies. We have a bunch of British and Australian and Canadian actors....How about a French band? The only sport they play in France is soccer, and as we all know, soccer is the pussyest sport on Earth, where every time someone gets touched, they dive on the ground and grab they're shins like a Civil War soldier who's been taken out be a cannon. When we wage wars to save the world from terrorism, instead of France helping out and sending some of their boys to the battlefield, they criticize the rest of us from allowing them the chance to be free. (Don't give me any shit either, you hippies out there...the only reason you're allowed to BE hippies is because America fights this war. I don't like American soldiers getting killed either, but they weren't drafted. They're the bravest men and women I know, and I couldn't do what they do, but they signed up for the military and they keep us free, whether you like it or not.)
Can we all agree that French is the gayest sounding language on the planet? And they use that language to snicker to themselves about Americans if they find it worthwhile to visit their crap hole of a country on vacation. And their are only two reasons people visit France: to visit Normandy and pay tribute to the thousands of heroes who lost their lives during the D-Day invasion in early June of 1944, OR to have a romantic getaway in Paris. That's IT.
Does France have any hot supermodels? That I don't know, but I DO know that supermodels don't smoke 2 packs a day, leave their armpits and legs hairy, and walk around with an undeserved sense of superiority. Really French women? Do you think THAT highly of yourselves that you think you can just get away with not showering or shaving. I've never had sex with a French chick, but even if they sent the hottest one in the country to my house saying, "Oiu Monsieur, let us fuck!" I would kind of look at her, think about it for a second, make a weird face, and say, "You know what?....I don't really want to get near that thing." Because who knows what the fuck is growing down there and just what kind of 'feremones' she'd have going on. (That's a lie, I'd fuck her....but you get the point.)
What does any of this have to do with egging them? When we had French exchange students come here in high school, my friends and I sought them out on Halloween, egged the shit out of them while chanting, "U.S.A! U.S.A.!" Then we pulled a Sonny LoSpecchio after he and his crew beat up the bikers in A Bronx Tale. We took their leader, and said, "Look at me! Look at me! We did this to you!"
I know, really cool right? But we were kids, and you know what, fuck them, those smelly, feminine, white flag waving, quiche eating surrender monkeys. Maybe there's a reason they hate us so much, haha!
U.S.A! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
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